Monday, October 1, 2007

Apartment For Rent











First floor, $800 per month. Includes heat and hot water. Cable and wireless internet are available from one of the other tenants, no idea which one, but it is free.

Other tenants include: Steve AKA Pariah (who almost never leaves the house and when he does it's in the oddest clothing) and his Dominican girlfriend, Thelma; Shawn and Jim who didn't know each other until they moved in together; Cindy of the enormous hair (she moved in when she was 37, 35 years ago); JoAnn and her dog, Grace who used to run a bar together and now paint houses; and on the 2nd floor above you will be Tina and Mike AKA the Dimwit and the Idiot, though from every indication Tina is still in jail, when home she's monitored with an ankle bracelet on home confinement. Mike is just an idiot.

Two rooms with crooked floors. Your pen or any liquid you might spill will take off for the other end of the room at breakneck speed. No kitchen drawers for silverware, foils and wraps or dishtowels. If you want a kitchen table there will be no sideboards available to fix your meals.

Front door is yours, expect any visitor to the house to go to your door, no matter which apartment they want. This includes pizza deliveries, phone, electric and cable men, relatives, friends, police and Shawn who needs to borrow salt, your phone, phone numbers or just needs to talk. He will not, however, remember your name.

Two very nice fireplaces, neither work. Nice architectural detail however. Bathroom is nicest room in apartment, tub and water pressure are great for showering. One closet ceiling is open to pipes and a multitude of cobwebs; small rodents may fall into closet and crawl out under door into bathroom. Also, on occasion, mice will visit your kitchen sideboards.

Pink bedroom sleeps 1.

Small dog extra.

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